Hi my name is Jessica and I have Post Natal Shopping Syndrome.
“Hi, can I help you?”.
What I really want to say is, “Help me? No one can HELP me! I’ve left it to the day before a wedding to buy a dress, and I’m completely out of shape due to just having a baby.”
My emotions are on red alert, and I just ate cake to make myself feel better! Before trying dresses on! So no, you can’t really help me.” However, I do my standard response, “No thanks, just looking”.

Where do I even start? Sweat starts forming in my armpits. My mouth is dry. I feel like I’m about to perform on The X Factor – the lights are shining on me so brightly and the four shop assistants are just staring at me.
Surely I can’t be the only customer in this shop? As I start to shuffle through the clothes, the coat hangers grind along the racks. Now I feel like I’m in a library, because with every irritating screech along the rack, the shop assistants peer over at me.
In a panic I just start grabbing dresses to try on. Obviously I’m in denial and choose sizes that are unrealistic right now.
“Excuse me, can I try these on?”
“Sure, just let us know if you need any help with sizes.”
I get a sinking feeling. They’re onto me. Even they can tell just by looking at me that these dresses aren’t going to fit. But I soldier on to my cubicle and begin the process.
Oh my God am I wearing a sports bra? I should have probably bought some Spanx before I decided to try on clothes. My legs! I didn’t shave my legs. Nobody feels pretty when their legs look like their husband’s 3 day beard growth.
So the wishful thinking that these dresses will fit begins. Straight away I’m thinking it seems a bit tight. It’s too late, I’ve committed now.
I start doing the back-stroke with my arms and try to manoeuvre the garment over my boobs, but then reality sinks in. It’s not going to fit.
However now my arms are stuck up in the air flailing about like I’m drowning! Oh shit! How do I get this off? Of course it’s at this moment I hear, “Can I help you with anything in there?” How do they know? Their timing is impeccable. Even though I’m drowning I casually answer, “All good”.
I liken it to Houdini trying to escape a straitjacket. I start jumping with my arms awkwardly above my head to try to get any movement from the garment. Sweat starts beading from me everywhere now.
No, no, no, this is not happening! They’re going to have to cut it off me!
I’m bending over, squatting down, almost dislocating my shoulder and cursing like a trucker under my breath. I take a deep breath, limber up and become more flexible than an Olympic gymnast. I’m hearing the slight tearing of thread, but there is movement! I keep going and then freedom! It’s off, it’s fine (just) and I’m getting out of here!
I do the obligatory “I’m still deciding” as I return the items back to the racks and pretend I’m still looking, but my inner monologue is screaming, “Get the hell out of the store before they find the ripped threads!”
As I leave it’s like a walk of shame. My mascara has run, my eye liner is smudged and I’m sure I left half my foundation on the dress as I peeled it off me.
So what did I learn today? That I’m a delusional thrill seeker, with poor time management, mummy wobbly bits and no dress for the wedding.
In the end, I did find a dress. I felt pretty, but I’m doing all I can now to make sure shopping experiences like this don’t happen in the future.
I’m sure many of you have had one of these days. Post Natal Shopping Syndrome – the struggle is real.”
Oh Jessica, you have literally made us laugh out loud with this story!!  Jokes aside, we do know how tough it is when you’re not happy with your weight.  Thank you so much for sharing your story with us and best of luck with your weight loss journey.  We bet you looked beautiful in the dress you finally chose.
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